


It's You

by mydragulesebastian



Series: LIGHT IN THE DARK [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Sebastian Stan Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Car Accident, Character Death, Depression, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Light Angst, Marvel RPF - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Original Character Death(s), Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, RPF, References to Depression, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-01-31 00:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12664896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydragulesebastian/pseuds/mydragulesebastian
Summary: It’s been 2 years since Sebastian’s fiancé died and his friends and family have been telling him to move on because that’s what’s best for him. Then, one day he suddenly bumps into you and theres an instant connection.





	1. I

Sebastian rolled out of bed, his bare feet hitting the wooden floor below him. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands while he let out a long, loud sigh. When he opened his eyes, he adjusted to the brightness in the room thanks to the sun pouring in from the window.

He took in his surroundings before his eyes landed on the framed picture on his bedside table. His heart felt like it was tugged and pulled at the sight of it.

It was a picture of him and his fiancé. It was a selfie taken by her on a trip to Romania. She had surprised Sebastian with it. She was curious about what made Sebastian who he was.

The simple engagement ring lay next to the wooden frame, sparkling in all it’s glory. He swallowed the lump that had grown in his throats before he pushed himself off the bed and got ready to take a shower.

After a long, hot shower he got ready for the rest of the day. As he brushed his teeth, he took in his appearance. His hair had grown out reminiscent to his days as Bucky Barnes. A beard decorated his face and so did dark under eye circles from the lack of sleep he had been getting in the past couple of months. He noticed that he had lost weight, too. He didn’t even look like himself anymore.

A knock on the door brought him out of his trance. He turned his head to find his mom standing there, a sad smile on her face. Her son had gone from being a ray of sunshine to a dark cloud in the sky. She had lost him when Sebastian lost her.

“ _Mamă_ ,” he gasped, his mouth full of toothpaste. He washed out his mouth and wiped it with a towel before flicking off the light and walking out into his room.

“Did you forget I was coming over today?” She picked up the clothes that were scattered on his floor and tossing them into his clothes hamper.

“Yeah, sorry.” He sighed. “I just… I’ve been busy.”

She smiled sadly before leaving him alone. Sebastian ran a hand through his hair before taking one last look at the framed picture and following his mom out into the kitchen where she was preparing his favourite Romanian meal.

“When’s the last time you ate,  _dragoste_?” She looked over at him.

He shrugged, opening the refrigerator door and finding nothing but water bottles, juice, and some beers. His mom cooked in silence and he watched. The smell reminded him of home – his real home back in Eastern Europe.

His phone vibrated and snapped him out of his daydream. It was a text from one of his friends.

**_Let’s go out tonight! Found another little hole in the wall bar._ **

Sebastian stared at the message and sighed. He hadn’t gone out in months and he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to go out.

“Hang out with your friends, Sebastian. You need to get out of this house.” His mom peered over his shoulder and he groaned. She was right. He did have to get out of the house, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to sleep all day.

“She would want you to be happy. She would want you to live your life, you know that.” His mom cleared her throat. “She wouldn’t want you to be holed up in the house. She would want you to go out and have fun and meet new people.”

He looked up at her and pressed his lips together. He thought long and hard, something he didn’t have to do, before typing away on his phone.

* * *

Mom left some time later after insisting on cleaning up after Sebastian. Sebastian argued with her about it, but she had none of it. She wanted to baby him and there was no getting past that.

He laid on his made bed for a while, staring up at the ceiling and repeating what his mother said to him.

 _She wants you to be happy. She would want you to live your life_.

He bit down on his lower lip and held back the sob that was building up inside of him. He thought it would get easier, but it didn’t. It just seemed like it kept getting harder as the days passed.

He looked at his wrist where his watch sat and then got up from his bed. He grabbed a jacket, his wallet, and keys before walking out and catching a cab. He gave the driver the address and in some minutes he arrived.

After paying the driver and stepping out of the car, he stood at the front of the door and sighed. Sticking a hand inside his jacket, he stepped inside and spotted his friends at the bar with pints of beers sitting in front of them.

“Hey!” One of them waved Sebastian over.

Sebastian nodded before walking up to them. He hugged each of them and the sat down on a stool. He looked around the place and noticed an old juke box in the corner and a lonely billiard table, a dim light hanging over it.

The bar was pretty empty and Sebastian took a liking to that. The noise consisted of conversation and some sport being played on the only television that was up.

His eyes traveled across the bar and stopped on you. Your hair was up in a very messy bun and a contagious smile played across your face as you talked to one of your coworkers.

Sebastian felt something inside of him explode. It was a feeling that he hadn’t felt in years. Butterflies, was it?

He watched as you turned to face him, eyes meeting and your smile grew even bigger. He didn’t know that was possible. You walked up to him, wiping your hands on your apron.

“What can I get you?”

Your voice sounded like music to his ears. He stumbled over his words before he finally managed to murmur two words.

“A beer.”

You chuckled, making his stomach do somersaults. “Yeah? What kind of beer?”

“Uh,” he blushed slightly before looking over at the beer faucets and making a choice.

You nodded and filled up a glass cup before walking it over to him and setting it on a paper coaster. “Enjoy.”

You walked away from him and he watched you, wanting to know more about you. His friends called him over to the pool table and he grumbled as he got up and walked over.

“How much are we putting down?” One of them asked.

“How about loser buys a round?”

Sebastian watched as they played but his eyes always trailed back to you. He listened to his friends bicker and chuckled to himself. He actually missed this. He missed laughing. He missed his friends. He missed living life.

After one of his friends terribly lost, they trudged back over to the bar and signalled you over. They asked for a round of shots and Sebastian grimaced slightly. A couple of shots and some pints of beers later, Sebastian and his friends were on his way out.

Just before he walked out, he turned to get one last look at you. He smiled to himself and you caught him doing so. You bit down on your lower lip before turning around and wiping down the counter behind you.

“Seb, let’s go! C’mon,” his friend called.

Sebastian followed them out and walked down the street, your smile entrancing his every step and the car ride home.

For the first time, Sebastian felt okay. Not happy, but okay. He knew that was a start.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashbacks in italics!

The next day Sebastian woke up with a killer headache. The alcohol was to blame. He hadn’t drank that much since she had passed away and he vowed to never let himself get to that point again. But yesterday was a different story. He was having fun and letting loose.

He groaned as he turned over, face buried into the fluffy pillow next to him. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was so dry that he choked on nothing and was sent into a cough attack.

After his body stopped trying to wreak havoc, he got out of bed and walked into the kitchen where he pulled out a water bottle from the fridge and some Ibuprofen from one of the cabinets. After he downed the pills, he walked back to his room and went back to sleep.

Some hours later he woke up, not feeling the greatest but feeling better than when he first woke up. He stretched and this time got up and got ready for the day. He decided today would be the day to shave his face. Something in him changed when he saw you. You ignited a fire in him that he thought he had lost. 

When he finished shaving his face he stared and laughed. “I look like a whole new person,” he said to himself.

Sebastian decided to go eat at a café since he didn’t have any food in his fridge. He made a mental note to go to the grocery store to stock up his fridge.

He sat alone and ate his food, watching the people that walked by and entered the small place. He loved people-watching. He used to love doing it at fancy restaurants with his fiancé. They would come up with the craziest stories sometimes. It was a fun way to pass time. Other times, they would sit quietly at the park and just analyse these strangers.

He made his way out and began walking down the street. He looked at his watch and sighed. He wanted to see you again. He just wasn’t sure when the appropriate time to show up to a bar was or if it was even okay for him to show up to just see you.

He tried to busy himself with other things, but his mind just kept going back to you and the dark, tiny bar. He thought about it for a quick second before hailing a cab and giving the driver the same directions from last night.

When Sebastian arrived he stared at the door. He looked down at his watch again for the millionth time and read the time out loud.

**_11 o'clock a.m._ **

He took a deep breath before opening the door and walking in. He noticed an older man sitting at the end of the bar and a couple in one of the far booths. He saw one bartender, but it wasn’t you. He was about to walk out when he heard a crash sound through the place. His head whipped back and found you kneeling on the floor, picking up shards of glass.

He jogged over to you and kneeled down, carefully helping you. You looked up at him and smiled.

“Hey, you look different.” You noted.

He looked up at you and both of your breaths were taken away. You were in awe of how clear and blue his eyes were. He was in awe at how bright and inviting your eyes were.

“Let me-let me go get a broom.” You stuttered before standing up and running over to get a broom and dustpan.

You swept up the glass and sighed. “Want some water? Unless you’re here for a drink. I won’t judge. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, right?”

Sebastian laughed and your heart skipped a beat. “No, no. I’m not a day drinker – anymore at least. Just uh… wanted to stop by and hang out.”

“At a bar? Alone” You walked away from him but Sebastian followed. He sat down on a stool while you went behind the bar and threw the glass in a trash can.

“I mean… yeah.” He shrugged.

“You know who does that?” You leaned on the counter. “Mr. Jones down there.”

Sebastian looked over at the older man he had noticed when he first walked in and watched him as he drifted off to sleep.

“Comes in everyday and gets drunk off his ass. He lost his wife not too long ago.” You frowned.

Sebastian blinked and stayed quiet at the mention of the older man losing his wife. It hit home.

“So, what do you want?” You asked, snapping him out of his thought.

“Oh! Uh, do you have sparkling water?”

You laughed, “You know, I’d totally make fun of you for that, but I’ll spare you this time.”

He felt himself blush and he was starting to wonder how you made him feel like a school boy. You popped open a bottle of Perrier water and set it in front of him.

You busied yourself with cleaning while Sebastian watched some sports recap on the television above his head.

“So,” you folded the damp towel that you had used to wipe down the counter. “What’s your name?”

“Sebastian,” he blinked. “Yours?”

“(Y/N).” You smiled. “So you  _are_  Bucky Barnes. I wasn’t imagining things.”

Sebastian chuckled and nodded solemnly. “That’s me.”

“The beard threw me off,” you admitted.

You were called by Mr. Jones and you excused yourself before walking away. Sebastian watched as you talked to the older man and cared for him. You served Mr. Jones a glass of water and set it front of him, patting his hand and leaving him alone.

“How long ago?”

“How long ago what?” You raised your eyebrow.

“How long ago did she pass? His wife.”

“I want to say 3 months ago.”

Sebastian nodded and watched the old man shakily take a sip of his water. He saw himself in him. He had been there before – for a good year or so. Now, he was just depressed without the alcohol.

“I… I gotta go.” Sebastian pushed away from the bar and dug in his pocket for a couple of bills and set it on the counter.

“You don’t have to pay,” you pushed the money back.

“Take it.” Sebastian grumbled.

You stared at him for a couple of seconds before taking the money and sticking it in the tip jar. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah… I just… I remembered that I have somewhere to be, is all.”

You watched as his face grew weary, his eyebrows furrowed and he frowned. He took one last look at Mr. Jones before walking out without saying another word.

The fresh air hit his face, realising that he had grown hot inside. His eyes stung with tears which only made him more upset and produce more tears.

He made his way down the street, wiping at his eyes before he noticed that he wasn’t going anywhere specific. He was just roaming around alone.

He glanced up and laughed to himself. It was her favourite place to eat. He had so many fond memories of this place, it kind of broke his heart – if that was even possible anymore.

* * *

_“You’ve never been?” She exclaimed incredulously._

_“What?” Sebastian laughed. “There’s so many places in New York to eat. Excuse me for never hearing of this place.”_

_“You’re joking with me, right?” Her mouth fell open._

_“Nope.”_

_“We gotta go! Come on, put on your shoes!” She hopped up from her spot on the couch and pulled on his hand._

_“Why can’t we just order out?”_

_“It takes away from the experience, Sebastian.”_

_They both stared at each other before Sebastian got up and slipped on a pair of sneakers. The ride to her favourite little restaurant was quick. Sebastian looked inside the brightly lit place and then looked at her._

_“Are you sure it’s good?” He teased._

_“You think I’d take you to a place that serves crappy food?” She pulled him in and waved at one of the waitresses._

_“Maybe.”_

_They sat at a table and the waitress walked up to them with two menus. She handed each of them one before taking out her notepad and pen and scribbling down your drink orders. She then came and took your orders, Sebastian having the same thing as you._

_“Thank you, Winnie!” She brightly smiled at the older lady as she placed down the hot plates of food._

_“You’re welcome, honey. If you two need anything else I’ll just be right behind that counter.”_

* * *

Sebastian took in a deep breath when he saw Winnie cleaning up. He hadn’t seen her in so long. The reason being he never came back after she passed. He waited a couple of seconds, debating on going in and saying hello. His feet made the decision before his brain and before he knew it, he was pulling open the door and walking inside.

Winnie turned her head and she didn’t recognise Sebastian at first. Then, her mouth fell open and tears brimmed her eyes.

“Sebastian!” She exclaimed as she opened her arms and walked over to him, enveloping him in a hug.

“Hi, Winnie.” Sebastian grinned.

She pulled away and grabbed his face like his grandmother would when he was a kid. “Oh, I haven’t seen you in forever! I heard about what happened.”

Sebastian took in a deep breath and nodded.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. I know how much you loved her and how much she loved you.” Winnie said in a soft voice.

“Thanks,” Sebastian murmured.

“Let me get you something to eat. It looks like you’ve been starved to death.”

“You sound like my mom.”

“Only because I care about you.” She chuckled.

She gave the cook Sebastian’s regular order as he took a seat at the tiny bar. “How have you been, Winnie?”

“I’ve been great! You know me, always keeping busy and working my butt off! No days off for me.”

Sebastian laughed, shaking his head at the older lady who he always viewed as a second mother since he had gotten to know her. They talked some more and after Sebastian was well fed and given food to go, he was readying to say goodbye.

“You better come back soon!” Winnie wagged her finger at him, her other hand on her hip.

“I promise I won’t stay away for too long.”

She smiled at him and then wrapped her arms around his lean body. They both stayed like that for a bit – just hugging one another. She rubbed his back and pulled away. She was crying.

“Winnie, don’t cry.” Sebastian frowned.

“I’ve just… I’ve been so worried about you, Sebastian. Ever since she passed, I just read these things about you in the magazines about you being real torn up. Then, you stopped the acting thing and I don’t know… I just worry about you is all.” Winnie blinked and wiped away her tears.

“You hadn’t come by in so long. I know this was painful for you – to walk inside and suddenly relive those moments again. But I want to thank you for doing it anyway.”

“I owed you that much, Winnie.” Sebastian sent her a tight smile. “Like I said before, I promise I’ll come back again and visit.”

They hugged once more before Sebastian walked out into the city. This time he went back home and got into bed earlier than before. Tomorrow he’d go on his first run in two years and he definitely had to rest up for that. 


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashbacks in italics!

“Oh, God.” Sebastian groaned as he rolled around on the mattress and tried to stop his phone from ringing.

He opened one eye and looked at the time.  _5 o’clock a.m._ , he read. He hadn’t woken up this early in a long time and he instantly regretted even thinking about going on a run.

Either way, he got out of bed and took a quick shower and slipped into a T-shirt, basketball shorts, a pair of sneakers, and a plain baseball cap.

He grabbed his keys, phone, and earphones before heading out and starting his jog. He jogged all the way to the park and ran as much as he could, his mind and heart racing.

_It was straight out of a cliché romantic movie. Sebastian was on a run in Central Park and she was walking her dog. Sebastian had lied down on the green grass to take a breather when his face was immediately licked._

_“No! Get away from him! Stop!”_

_Sebastian sat up and came face to face with a large dog. He chuckled to himself and ruffled the dog’s head._

_“Oh my god,” the person bent down and grabbed the red leash. “I am so sorry!”_

_Sebastian looked up at her and his breath was taken back. “It-it’s okay! He’s cute.”_

_“She, actually.”_

_“Oops,” Sebastian laughed. “My bad.”_

_“It’s okay. Gender is a social construct – or so I’ve heard.”_

_Sebastian chuckled again, but this time he took her in. She was cute. Her hair was up in a ponytail and her cheeks were red from what he guessed was from running after her very friendly dog. She wore leggings and a tank top, Converse decorating her feet. She was so simple looking, but Sebastian found that so endearing._

_“The least I could do is get you a water or something.”_

_“No, no. It’s okay, really!”_

_She jutted out her hip and placed her hand on it. “Just let me buy you a damn water bottle. It seems as if you need one, anyway.”_

_Sebastian knew there was no way of getting out of this one, so he begrudgingly got up from his place and wiped his hands on his shorts._

_“Sebastian,” he stuck out his hand._

_“Dalila,” she took his and shook it._

_They had an awkward couple of seconds of just holding hands before Sebastian pulled away and cleared his throat._

_“That water sounds amazing right about now.”_

_They walked over to a stand that was selling refreshments and Dalila bought two water bottles. She handed one to Sebastian and then kept one for herself._

_“Oh my god,” he heard a voice say. “Is that Sebastian Stan?”_

_Dalila chuckled beside him and Sebastian wanted to throw himself in a nearby bush. He continued walking but the group of girls caught up to him and stopped him in his tracks._

_“Hi, do you think we could get a picture together?”_

_Sebastian looked over at Dalila who was a couple of steps ahead of him. She was smirking and he scoffed. She found it funny. Sebastian nodded and took multiple pictures and selfies with them before waving and walking away._

_He caught up with Dalila and jokingly bumped into her._

_“You know, I wasn’t going to say anything about you being… who you are, but I guess I can bring it up now.” She teased._

_"Oh, please don’t! We were doing just fine without it!”_

_“Let’s start with The Covenant.” Dalila smirked. “Ooooooh, witchy!”_

_Sebastian groaned and face palmed himself. Dalila threw her head back and let out a laugh that made his heart flutter and his eyes crinkle. It was his new favourite sound._

_"Let’s not.”_

_They both walked around the park some more before Dalila cut the gathering short. Sebastian frowned but nodded, understanding that she did have a life to get to. He bent down and pet her dog, giving it a little noogie before standing back up._

_“I’ll see you around?” Sebastian asked, his tone of voice hopeful._

_“Maybe.” Dalila smiled. “You’re going to ask me for my number now, right?”_

_“Damn. Am I that predictable?”_

_Dalila shrugged. “Only slightly.”_

_Sebastian pulled out his phone from his shorts pocket and handed it to her so she could put in her information. Once she finished, she handed him back his phone and he slid it back to where he had it._

_“Bye, Sebastian.”_

Sebastian’s jog came to an end and he leaned onto his knees, his head hanging in between his arms. He was sweating like a dog. He looked up to find a woman in scrubs making his way toward him. She was on her phone and walking really fast. Sebastian didn’t have time to move away before she bumped into him and almost knocked over him over.

“I’m so sorry!”

Sebastian nodded before the voice clicked in his head. “(Y/N)?”

“Oh my god,” you laughed. “Sebastian? What a coincidence!”

“You’re wearing scrubs. Are you a…”

“Nurse! I work in the ER, actually. Just got off.” You looked down at your watch.

“And you work at the bar?”

“It’s just a little side job. Nothing special or steady. I go in when I want to. It was my first job when I moved out here and I’ve found it really hard to let go of. I really enjoy being around drunks. It’s fun.” You joked.

Sebastian nodded. “Well, I won’t hold you up anymore so you can go and get sleep or whatever.”

“I actually was just going to go get coffee. Want to come? It’s on me!” You smiled at him.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You couldn’t be.” You smiled at him before beginning to walk towards your favourite coffee shop. It was a little hole in the wall place that you stumbled upon on accident and really ended up liking.

“Get whatever you want,” you said as you dug in your cross body bag for cash. Sebastian ordered an iced coffee and once you both had your drinks, you took a seat in one of the tables near the back.

“You seem really awake for someone who worked all night.” Sebastian spoke.

You shrugged. “I didn’t do much. I kind of just hung out in the break room. Surprisingly, they let me get away with it.”

“How many days do you work?” Sebastian pondered.

“Depends. Usually 6 days. Sometimes the whole week.”

“You like your job?” He sipped on his coffee.

“Yeah, I do actually. Apart from the all of the death I do see, it’s really nice to be able to help people. I’m no doctor but you know, I help out somewhat.” You let out a tiny laugh and Sebastian grinned at you. “Do  _you_  like your job, Sebastian?”

He looked down at the wooden table and noticed the subtle scratches in it. “I haven’t worked in a while.”

“Well, when you were working, did you like it?”

_This was the part he hated the most; leaving Dalila behind for months on end. She never complained about it and said she understood that this was his job and it’s what he had to do._

_“I’ll call you when I touch down,” he pouted. He was always more sad about leaving than she was._

_“Okay.” She smoothed out the collar of his leather jacket._

_“You’ll miss me, right?”_

_“Of course. I always miss you when you’re gone.” She smiled sadly._

_Sebastian’s hands moved to cup her jaw before he pressed his lips against hers. They stayed like that for a bit, not moving, just relishing each other and the moment. It was simple moments like these that he enjoyed with her. He moved his lips against hers and she followed. Once she pulled away, she patted his chest._

_“You’re going to be late. Go on.” She nodded towards the door._

_“I love my job, but this is the worst part.”_

_“I know, Sebastian. But this is what you were born to do. Now go out there and show them what you got. I want the whole world to see how talented you really are - that you’re more than just Bucky Barnes.”_

His eyes twinkled as he answered your very simple question. “Yeah. I did.” 


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashbacks are italicized!

You both stayed at the coffee shop for a couple of more hours before you looked down at your wrist watch and almost ran out of the café.

“Sorry! I forgot I had a tiny shift at the bar.” You gathered your empty cup as you stood up from the chair.

Sebastian followed suit and smiled politely. “And you’re also working tonight? When do you sleep?”

“I don’t go in until midnight. Besides, I get out at 6 from the bar so I’ll have time to go home and nap.”

He nodded, understanding that lack of sleep very well. When he would film, he would party all night, sleep for a couple of hours and do the same thing the next day.

“I really want to see you again,” you admitted.

Sebastian blinked as his heart fluttered. Something about you asking to see him again caught him off guard and kind of stumped him.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to see me again,” you teased.

“No, no!” He stuttered. “I want to see you again, too.”

“Here,” you pulled out an old receipt and a pen from your bag. You scribbled your number on it and handed it to Sebastian. “Text me… or call me. Whatever is fine.”

Sebastian looked down at the paper and grinned. “Okay.”

“Bye, Sebastian.”

With a wave, you walked out of the shop and left Sebastian standing there grinning like an idiot. He walked out a couple of seconds later and made his way back home.

As soon as he walked through the front door, he kicked off his shoes and dumped his keys and wallet on the counter in the kitchen. He walked into the living room and over to the windows that were actual doors. He pulled back the curtains and squinted as the light shined into the room. He opened the doors and stepped out into the balcony. He leaned against the railing and bit down on his lip.

“ _Romeo, Romeo! Where art thou, Romeo?”_

_He put down his phone and tilted his head at the sound of the voice. He heard the voice yell again and that’s when he set his phone down on the sofa and walked out onto the balcony. He looked down and thanked God he wasn’t that far up. He saw Dalila standing at the bottom waving her hand in the air._

_“What are you doing?” He called out._

_“You’re supposed to continue!”_

_He furrowed his brows and racked his brain for what Romeo says after. “Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?”_

_He listened to her loud and contagious laugh from down below and smiled from ear to ear._

_“Now let me into your tower, my prince!”_

_He laughed before watching her disappear below him and walk into the building. He ran back inside and tidied up the place while she rode the elevator up to the third floor._

_The knock on the door scared Sebastian and he quickly ran his fingers through his hair and smoothed out his shirt before opening the door. He found her already smiling at him._

_“Hello, Romeo.”_

_“Hello, Juliet.”_

_She walked into his apartment when Sebastian stepped aside. As soon as he closed the door she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him in for a kiss. He was taken off guard for a quick second, but he kissed her back, his hands landing on her hips. His fingertips disappeared underneath her skirt and her fingers played with the short hair at the nap of his neck._

_The both pulled away, gasping for air._

_“Missed me that much, huh?”_

_“Yes,” she smiled brightly._

_“Now, what’s got you reciting Romeo and Juliet below my balcony?”_

_She sat down her purse on the kitchen table and shrugged. “I was watching it before I left. The shitty version might I add – the one with Leo. The scenery was great and very aesthetically pleasing, but other than that it fucking sucked.”_

_“Blunt.” They trotted over to the living room._

_“As always.” She shot him an innocent smile. Sebastian quickly walked in front of her before pulling her down onto the couch with him._

_“How was your day?” She looked up at him, her arm draping across his torso._

_“Fine. Just had some meetings to go to.”_

_“Yeah? Any new roles?”_

_“Not the ones I want,” he sighed._

_“Seb,” she pouted. “We all have to start off somewhere.”_

_“I know. It’s just that… I had my start years ago. I love doing low budget movies, don’t get me wrong. They’re definitely more fun than the big blockbusters, but I just feel like I could do **more**.”_

_“I think you’re doing all you can do. People see and realise your talent, Sebastian. And if stupid casting directors and studios don’t want to see it, then fuck them.”_

_“Ah, solid advice.” He chuckled._

_She sat up straight and scoffed. “Sebastian, you can’t be this hard on yourself. You don’t see yourself like we, the rest of the world, does. You’re so damn gifted when it comes to playing any type of role. I couldn’t be any more proud of you, Seb. I honestly couldn’t.”_

_“How did I get so lucky?”_

_“The big man upstairs,” she pointed up towards the ceiling with a laugh._

The phone in his pocket began to vibrate. He picked it out of his shorts and answered.

“Wow. You answered on the first ring? What’s got you in a good mood?” His friend teased.

“Funny,” Sebastian drawled.

“Anyway, I was calling to let you know about the dinner tonight at my place. You still want to come?”

Sebastian pursed his lips as he looked up at the clear blue sky. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there. What time?”

“7.”

“Alright. I’ll see you then.”

Sebastian hung up and walked back into his place. He dropped onto the couch and flipped on the television, leaving the channel on some trashy reality tv show.

He didn’t realise he knocked out until his phone buzzed right next to his ear. He had a bunch of missed phone calls from his mother and about 3 voicemails.

“Shit,” he grumbled before lazily dialling her number and pressing the phone against his ear.

“Sebastian!” She scolded.

“Sorry, ma.” He yawned. “I fell asleep.”

“I was worried something happened to you,” her voice had gone quiet on the other end.

“Mom,” he started. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Right.” She chuckled. “Just wait until you have kids and they tell you that.”

_Dalila rolled off of Sebastian and sighed happily. Her hair was stuck to her face and Sebastian’s eyes were shut, relishing the moment they both shared._

_“Jesus Christ,” she held the thin, white sheet close to her naked body._

_“I should tease you more often,” Sebastian joked._

_“Fuck off,” she scoffed. “That wasn’t nice, you know? Getting me all hot and bothered in front of your friends. I’m going to get you back when you least expect it.”_

_Sebastian laughed loudly, throwing his muscular arm over her body and burying his face into her neck. He peppered kisses on her damp skin and sighed happily._

_“Wanna get married with me?” He mumbled._

_“What?” She stiffened underneath him._

_He lifted his head and looked at her. Her eyes were widened and her mouth was slightly open._

_“I’m not asking you to marry me today, tomorrow, or the day after. I guess I worded it wrong. What I meant to ask was, if I were to ever ask you to marry me, would you?”_

_Her eyes glistened and he wasn’t sure if she was going to cry of happiness or sadness._

_“Dalila?”_

_She quickly turned her head away and Sebastian felt like his heart broke into tiny little pieces. He already regretted even bringing it up. He had just been thinking about it for a while now and he was feeling all sorts of emotions, so he spoke without thinking._

_He leaned over her body and watched a tear slip down her cheek and onto the bed sheet. He wiped away the trail it left and groaned inwardly._

_“Look, forget that I even mentioned it.”_

_“Seb,” she placed her hand on his wrist and held onto it tightly. “I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’ve just never had anyone ever… ask me that. I never thought I would get married, but then I met you and all of a sudden everything changed.”_

_Sebastian felt his heart stop and his ears turn hot. He didn’t know why he was blushing like a schoolboy, but he was._

_“I can’t see a life without you, Sebastian. I want to walk down the aisle and see you at the end of it, crying because I look so damn beautiful in my dress.”_

_The both laughed and she continued. “I want to live with you, share the same bed every day, and wake up to make breakfast for you. I want to have kids with you. I want to have a family with you. I want to grow old with you, Sebastian. Dammit, if I could, I would get married with you this second.”_

_Sebastian smiled from ear to ear. “I mean, I don’t have a ring. I’ll start searching for the perfect one. I promise that the second time I ask, it won’t be after we have sex.”_

_She snuggled up next to him as she wrapped her arm around him and threw her leg over his. “I don’t care how you ask because each and every single time I will say yes.”_

“Sebastian, are you there?”

“Huh? Sorry! I was thinking about things.” He ran his hand down his face. “Mom, I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah? I gotta get ready for dinner.”

“With a girl?” A sense of excitement surged through her body.

“No,” he chuckled. “Will is having a thing at his house.”

“Will there be girls there?”

“Mom,” he whined. “I don’t know! I’m not looking for anyone, anyway. I’m taking things slow.”

She sighed on the other end, “Okay, then. Well, I’ll let you go now so you can get ready. Te iubesc, Sebastian.”

“Te iubesc, mama.”


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you - bold
> 
> sebastian - italics

Dinner went over better than Sebastian had thought. He laughed, told some stories, and had a couple of drinks. He couldn’t thank his friend enough at the end of the night.

“Hey,” his friend placed a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. “I’m not sayin’ it’s gonna all change from one day to the next, but I’m really proud of you for coming to hang out with us tonight.”

Sebastian looked down at the floor for a second before looking back up at his friend and nodding. “Thanks, man.”

They both hugged before Sebastian shuffled out into the cold New York street. He looked around and found a yellow cab coming his way. He held his hand out in the air and the cab pulled over for him. He hopped in, gave the driver his home address and off they went.

Sebastian busied himself on his phone but also made small talk with the driver. He arrived at his apartment building some time later and paid the driver, letting him keep the change.

He greeted the doorman, who was more like security personnel, and then rode the elevator up to his floor. He shuffled to his door and unlocked it. As soon as he took a step inside the dark apartment, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

He pulled it out and smiled to himself as he took a look at the glowing screen. It was you.

**Sebastian????**

He typed back quickly.

_(Y/N)?????????_

**Oh thank GOD. That wouldve been so embarrassing if it werent you.**

**Why are you still awake? If you don’t mind me asking :P**

_Haha, it’s me. :) just got home from dinner with friends_

**ah, how’d that go?**

_good. hadn’t seen them in a while. felt nice actually._

**i’m glad to hear that. :)**

Sebastian was about to type back his reply but the three little bubbles popped out from the bottom of the screen so he stopped typing. A second later the bubble disappeared and your message arrived.

**I’ve gotta get back to work but I’ll talk to you soon ok?**

Sebastian didn’t know what to reply so he shut off his phone. He felt kind of bad that he didn’t send anything back, but he wasn’t sure what to say. He hadn’t talked to another woman in a long time. He trudged to his room and got out of his clothes and changed into a pair of basketball shorts before hopping into bed. He sighed and turned on his side, pursing his lips. He felt himself getting better. For him, going out and spending time with the people he cherished and loved the most was a big step.

He fell asleep soon after and for once dreamed of happy things. He hadn’t dreamed peacefully in a while. When Dalila had passed away all he would see when he went to sleep was her body on the hospital bed, bloodied and bruised. After time had passed he would dream of a life he could have had with her which made him wake up in sobs while grabbing at his chest, hating himself for letting her leave that night - for not begging her to stay a little bit longer.

This time around he dreamed of the beach; the water crashing on the shore while the breeze hit his skin. He smiled to himself as he looked out into the ocean from the porch he was standing upon and felt light. He was happy. Someone wrapped their arms around his torso and he looked down to find you. This part he found the most surprising. Dalila had been in his dreams - good or bad - since her death, but now it was you. You were holding him close while you stared out into the ocean and he felt happy; at least in his dream he felt happy and for some reason it scared him.

He jumped up in bed at the sound of his alarm going off. He grumbled to himself while he turned it off and threw it across the bed, digging his face into the pillows that surrounded him. Sebastian’s phone vibrated and he quickly fetched for it. He opened one eye, the screen being too bright for both eyes to stare at it. You had sent him another message. He looked at the timestamp and chuckled. It read 4:00AM.

**I know you’re probably sleeping but whenever you do see this I was wondering if you wanted to go and coffee again?**

**Only if you want to.**

**No pressure.**

**Oh god i’m triple texting.**

**Wait no i passed triple texting.**

**ok i’ll stop now. but yeah….. let me know. :)**

Sebastian typed away his response and then threw his legs over the mattress to get ready for the day and go on a coffee run with you. You texted back with a smiley emoji and let him know you would meet him at the same place as last time. He tidied his place up a bit before he grabbed his wallet, keys and phone and took off. He walked a couple of blocks before catching a cab to the coffee shop. He arrived and wiped his hands on his jeans. He didn’t know why he was nervous. He had talked to you before. Somehow this seemed different.

He walked in, the bell above him ringing as he opened the door. It was pretty empty and he let out a nervous breath. He walked up to the counter and ordered his drink. As he was paying, the bell rang again and he turned around to see who was walking it. Low and behold it was you in your scrubs. You smiled brightly and walked over to him.

“Just in time,” he said. “Order what you want. It’s on me.”

“You sure?” You raised and eyebrow.

He nodded and you timidly placed your order. You two then went and sat down in a far back booth and waited for Sebastian’s name to be called to go and get your drinks.

“I can’t believe you’re up this early.” You shook your head and looked down at your watch. “7AM. Shit. I would have definitely still been in bed.”

Sebastian ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, well… I couldn’t sleep.”

“Had a nightmare?” You teased.

“Not really but kind of.”

His name was called and he offered to go and get them. He set your cup down in front of you and then took his seat in front of you again. You blew through the tiny hole in the lid to cool down the hot drink and Sebastian watched you intently as your eyebrows furrowed when you took your first sip.

“Still hot?” He asked.

“A bit,” you grimaced and set the cup back down in front of you.

“You work later today?”

“No,” you shook your head. “My day off actually.”

He nodded and took a sip of his own coffee.

“Why? Planning on asking me out?”

He almost spit his coffee all over you and you couldn’t help but laugh loudly at the way his eyes widened and his cheeks and ears turned a pretty shade of pink. You tried to compose yourself but he was still blushing like a little boy in grade school and it was way too cute.

“I’m messing with you, Sebastian.”

“Funny.” He bit down on his bottom lip to keep himself from grinning.

“I mean, whenever you do want to ask me out I hope I’m not wearing my scrubs.” You winked.

Sebastian knew from then on that he would be in much trouble with you.


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you - bold
> 
> sebastian - italics

 

 

> **Work is dead.**
> 
> _Isn’t that bad luck?_
> 
> **No. it’s the Q word. or the S word.**
> 
> _I need more than the first letter._
> 
> **Can’t tell ya. Look it up.**
> 
> _Ah, quiet or slow. Hm._
> 
> **What are you doing awake?**
> 
> _Just got back home from a dinner party._
> 
> **Ooooooh, fancy!**
> 
> _Ha no. Just a friend’s birthday is all._
> 
> **Meet any potential lovers?**
> 
> _Mmmmmm no._
> 
> **Tough**

Sebastian looked over his shoulder and blinked at the picture that was hanging on the wall. It was a picture of Dalila. One that Sebastian had taken on one of their many spontaneous vacations. Her hair was flowing freely in the wind and her face was scrunched up due to the smile that had taken over her face. He wished he would have taken it in color though, to see how her cheeks were in their natural state of pink and her berry colored lips.

His phone vibrated in his hands and he read the incoming messages softly to himself. 

> **Damn you Seb. you jinxed it.**
> 
> **wait can i call you seb?**
> 
> **well even if i can’t i’m gonna call you seb.**
> 
> **oh shit i really gotta go. some guy just came in with a pole lodged in his throat. PICTURE IT.**
> 
> **ok bye!!!!**

He didn’t reply back. Instead he walked to his room, undressing at the foot of the bed and getting underneath the covers. He placed his phone on the bedside table next to him and closed his eyes, wishing that the next day would be just as great.

* * *

He woke up the next morning at a decent time and made himself a cup of coffee and burned his toast on accident but still ate it. He flipped on the television and watched the news before going to get ready for the rest of his day. He made his bed and picked up the clothes strewn across the floor from days past. He sat down on his bed and finally looked at his phone. You had texted him a couple of times and even sent a picture.

 

> **goooooood morning seb**
> 
> **wait, you’re probably still asleep**
> 
> **anyway, i’m getting together with a group of my friends for my birthday tonight. don’t know if you’d want to stop by or not.**
> 
> **you can invite your friends too.**

He smiled at the selfie you sent, your hair a mess and dark circles under your eyes. He saved the picture to his gallery without a second thought and replied back.

> _morning (y/n)_
> 
> _i’d love to go. just let me know the time and place and i’ll be there._

Sebastian got up and headed out of his apartment and jumped into a cab. He gave out directions and watched as the city turned into suburbs. His heart pounded heavily in his chest as the car neared the destination.

The driver drove through the small roads in the hilly green fields covered in cemented headstones. Sebastian hadn’t been visited in a long time. He used to go every day, rain or shine, but then he stopped. He stopped visiting her because it hurt him too much. It was only messing with his head.

“Should I stay?” the driver asked Sebastian.

“Yeah. I won’t be long.”

Sebastian headed up to where she lay 6 feet underground. He kneeled down on the damp green grass, feeling it seep through his expensive pair of jeans. He reached out to run his fingers over her marble stone, feeling the grooves of the indented letters and and numbers that were engraved to the stone and frowned.

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to come back.” he said to no one in particular. “I still miss you. But… I think… I’ve found someone else. She makes me feel the same way you did. I didn’t ever think someone would make me feel that way again. It’s… we’re not even a thing yet but I can’t get her out of mind. I thought you should know…”

He laughed quietly, “Like you care. You’re probably up there charming Frank Sinatra’s pants off like you did to me.”

He stared at the stone and blinked. For the first time, he didn’t feel like crying anymore. He felt somewhat at peace. “I love you. I always will. I’ll never forget you and everything you did for me.”

He brought his fingers up to his mouth and then pressed them back down to the headstone. With one last look, he got up and walked back to the cab. Before he opened the door of the car, a harsh wind blew around him and he smiled to himself, imagining it being Dalila.

“I’m ready,” Sebastian announced to the driver but also himself.

_It was time._


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashbacks in italics!

Sebastian stood in front of his closet and stared at the clothes hanging in front of him. He hummed to himself, having trouble deciding what to wear to your birthday gathering.

He ended up putting on a nice dress shirt underneath a leather jacket to brace the cold, dark denim jeans and a pair of black leather boots. He styled his long hair and decided to leave his scruff. It was too cold to go out bare faced at the moment.

He looked at his phone and noticed that he had an hour or so to spare. He texted his friends the address and let them know that he’d see them there. The hour seemed to drag on forever. Sebastian was nervous. He felt out of place for some reason; most likely due to the fact that he hadn’t gone out like this since Dalila passed.

The time finally came and he headed out to the Uber that was waiting for him out front. On his way over there, he texted his friends and you that he was making his way. You didn’t answer him, which he expected but he couldn’t help but feel a bit put off.

After arriving to the bar, he headed inside and spotted you quickly. You were surrounded by people and he smiled to himself. You did seem like quite the social butterfly to him and he was glad he wasn’t wrong. He walked over and was about to tap you on the shoulder but you turned around just in time to catch him.

“Seb!” you exclaimed. “You made it!” You threw your arms around his neck and squeezed him tight hug. He wrapped his arms around your waist and smiled into your shoulder. Once you two pulled away you grabbed his hand and took him around your circle of friends and introduced him to every single one of them.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” you gushed.

“I’m happy you invited me,” Sebastian confessed.

“You’re adorable.” you said with a laugh. You flagged down the bartender and ordered two shots. You shot a wink at Sebastian and slid over the tiny glass cup. “You gotta take a shot with the birthday girl.”

He clinked the glass with yours after you picked it up and then nodded, signaling you that he was ready to take the shot. He grimaced as the alcohol burned his throat and you laughed. Sebastian felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned his head to find his friends smiling at him.

“Hey!” Sebastian nodded. “Didn’t think you guys would show up.”

“You must not know us,” his friend grinned. “Hi, I’m Alex.”

“Hi, Alex,” you stuck your hand out. “I’m (Y/N).”

Sebastian’s other friend, Mike introduced himself to you and then bought you a round of shots. The four of you took the shots together and made faces once it finally hit. Sebastian closed his eyes and was taken back to the time him and Dalila decided to bar hop throughout the city.

* * *

_Dalila wore a tight, little black dress with black pumps while Sebastian wore a black dress shirt, dark denim jeans and dress shoes. He grabbed a handful of Dalila’s ass before they walked out on to the streets and she slapped his hand away._

“ _That is rude, Sebastian!”_

_He pulled her in close and nipped her ear with his teeth. “What’s rude is that dress.”_

“ _Try to keep it in your pants tonight.” She pushed him away and began her walk to the end of the street. He bit down on his lip as he watched her hips sway from side to side, quickly snapping out of it and catching up to her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek._

“ _Let’s get this party started.”_

_They ended up at the first bar, having a beer each and then leaving because the place was boring. They walked to the next bar a couple of blocks away and had a couple of drinks there, the place was a bit more lively due to the karaoke they had going on. Sebastian even got the courage to go up and sing one song. Dalila recorded it while giggling as he tried his best to hit all the notes. The audience applauded one Sebastian finished the song and once he made it over to her, he grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the stool._

_The third bar was even more fun. There was a DJ and people were dancing throughout the whole bar. He ordered shots and once they were set in front of both of them they grabbed the glasses and clinked them together._

“ _To more nights like these,” Dalila said before tipping back the shot glass._

_Sebastian’s face scrunched up as he swallowed the liquid, shuddering at the potency of it. “That is fucking strong.”_

“ _Wuss.” Dalila stuck her tongue out at him. She flagged down the bartender and ordered another round of shots. “Come on, Stan. Drink up!”_

“ _You’re a horrible influence,” he scoffed._

“ _But you still want to date me.” Dalila held up the shot glass and Sebastian groaned. “Cheers!”_

_Sebastian wasn’t sure when he finally got to the point where he couldn’t see straight. Everything was fuzzy and felt heavy. Dalila couldn’t stop laughing, her face hurting from how hard she was smiling the entire time._

“ _I think-I think we need to go home!” She leaned into Sebastian._

“ _Can you walk?” he slurred._

“ _Maybe. I haven’t tried.” Dalila hopped off the stool but fell down onto the floor with a loud yelp and then a cackle._

_Sebastian got off his chair, stumbling a bit but managing to help her a minute later. When she was finally standing up, she grinned at him softly. “I love you, Seb.”_

“ _I love you too, Dalila.”_

* * *

“Dude!” Sebastian snapped his head towards Alex and hummed in answer.  “What are you thinking about?”

Sebastian stayed silent and looked away. His friends looked at one another and frowned. They knew that Sebastian was thinking about Dalila. How could he not? He had made a life with her already. They were two puzzle pieces that were glued together and were never meant to be taken apart.

“Come on, let’s get you a drink.” Mike clasped his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“Nah, I’m good.” Sebastian grinned. “I don’t want to drink too much tonight.” He looked out to the crowd where you had gotten lost in and spotted you with the biggest smile on your face. It lit up the dark bar and made his heart flutter and quickly forget about the thought he had just had seconds ago.

“I’m good,” he repeated again.


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you - bold

_What happened last night,_ Sebastian thought to himself as soon as he opened his eyes. His head was pounding and his mouth drier than the Sahara desert.

He sat up slightly, propping up on his elbows and looked around his room. He noticed that his jacket was on the floor and one shoe was near by it while the other shoe lay at the end of the bed. He looked down at his body and realized he slept in his jeans and dress shirt.

Sebastian fell back against the mattress, immediately groaning again at the pain that surged throughout his entire body and head. He hadn’t a hangover this bad in a long time. It was killing him and he didn’t know what to do.

He placed his right arm over his eyes and sniffled slightly. Maybe he was coming down with a cold, too. It was autumn after all.

His phone vibrated on the bedside table and he chuckled to himself. Of course he’d remember to set his phone down on the bedside table while drunk. Sebastian blindly reached over and patted along the small table before his fingers finally grasped the edge of the iPhone. He brought it up to his face but quickly shut his eyes. It was too bright for him to even look at so he placed a hand over his eyes and cracked his fingers slightly open so he could turn down the brightness.

Once it was as dark as it could go, he opened the message and tried to read it without wanting to throw his phone across the room from the incessant pain it was causing his eyes and brain.

 

> **Morning, Seb! Hope your head’s not stuck in the toilet. But I was just texting you to see how you were and if you needed anything. Uhhhhhhhhhh I guess whenever you see this, give me a call? Or a text works too.**

He sent a row of skull emojis before setting his phone down and turning over to dig is face into the fluffy pillow. Sebastian fell asleep again, not sure when he knocked out, but when he woke up he was feeling a lot better. The headache wasn’t as bad as hours before and he could now look around his room without wincing in pain.

Sebastian flipped his phone over and saw that he had another text message from you and it made him laugh. You seemed to be genuinely worried about him.

 

> **Hellooooooooo**
> 
> **Are you dead?**
> 
> **Please tell me you’re not dead**
> 
> **Omg I shouldn’t have let you have all those jager bombs. I’m such an idiot.**
> 
> **SEBASTIAN WAKE UP PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU I REALLY DON’T FEEL LIKE CALLING THE POLICE AND MAKING A SCENE.**

The next thing he knew, he had clicked on your contact name and was ringing you up. He didn’t know why but his heart was racing in his chest and his hands were shaking. On the fourth ring, you picked up and cried in victory.

“You’re alive!”

Sebastian chuckled, “I am; although I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to make it.”

“You had like 8 of those things, Seb. I honestly don’t know how you even got home in one piece.” You recalled. “And you’re like super heavy. Have you been working out?”

Sebastian felt his neck turn hot, blood rising up to his cheeks and ears. “I-I… sort of? I don’t know. I haven’t really put in time like before but I’m trying to.”

“Just don’t get too bulky. Then who’ll carry your drunk ass out of the bar?”

“Funny,” Sebastian drawled out.

“No, but in all seriousness it was nice to see you let loose. I know at first you said you didn’t want to drink and I swear there was no peer pressuring from me,” you breathed. “But your friends started doing them and then they were egging you on and the rest is history.”

Sebastian fell back onto the mattress with a groan. “Did you get drunk?”

“No. You started slurring your words together and I thought, ‘I have  _got_ to be sober to see this show.’”

He listened to you laugh on the other end of the line as you told him about something he did while under the influence and all he wanted to do was crawl into a hole. But not before eating breakfast. He looked over at the digital alarm clock and saw that it read 1PM. He interrupted you, asking if you had eaten anything yet. You told him it had been a few hours and that you could feel your stomach getting ready to yell at you so he decided to invite you out to grab a bite to eat. You agreed in a heartbeat, figuring out where to meet and then hanging up.

Sebastian stayed in bed for a couple of minutes before throwing his legs over the mattress and stalking off to the bathroom to take a long, hot shower. After he finished getting ready, he searched through his medicine cabinet for Ibuprofen and took 2 with a large gulp of water just like how he used to do when he was an avid partier and there was no time to rest up for the next alcohol binge.

He left his apartment and texted you that he was on his way. He got to the destination before you did and waited around, his sunglasses perfectly perched on the bridge of his nose and a cap fitted on his head. Sebastian watched the people in the meantime, his favorite thing to do especially when in the city like this. Kids and senior citizens were his favorite. They were both on the complete opposite of the spectrum but also so alike.

Sebastian felt a tap on his shoulder, quickly thinking it was a fan but when he turned around to face the person he was met with your gorgeous smile and twinkling eyes.

“Sorry, I’m late!” You apologized.

“S’alright. Not like I’m starving or anything,” Sebastian teased.

“Shut up,” you shoved him lightly. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Sebastian led the way and with each step he took he grew even more nervous than before. He didn’t even know that was possible. The small diner came into view and he looked over at your before opening the door. You were staring at the entrance in awe and you hadn’t even stepped inside. He grinned to himself before pushing the glass door and letting you walk in first.

He took his hat off as soon as he stepped in and spotted Winnie talking to one of the cooks. He cleared his throat loud enough so she could turn around and sure enough, when she did she squealed in delight. You furrowed your brows in confusion at the older woman being so excited to see Sebastian. Winnie threw her arms around Sebastian’s neck and then kissed his cheek.

“Sebastian, you’re back already!”

“I am,” he nodded, “And I brought someone.”

Winnie turned to look at you and sent you the warmest smile ever. She instantly hugged you and you felt the genuineness that oozed from her, making you feel very comfortable.

“Oh! I’m so happy!” Winnie exclaimed. “I’m Winnie!”

“Hi,” you smiled at her, “I’m (Y/N).”

Sebastian grinned at both you and Winnie, happy that you two had finally met. Winnie was like a second mother to him, especially after Dalila had passed away. If he wasn’t at home getting drunk he was at the diner talking to Winnie over black coffee and pancakes.

“Go ahead and sit wherever you want,” Winnie nodded. “Black coffee for you, babe?” She raised a brow at Sebastian and he nodded. Winnie asked you what you wanted to drink and she made mental note of it before walking away and leaving Sebastian to lead the way to the booth after grabbing a menu and handing it over to you.

You slid into the seat first and Sebastian slid in across from you. You noticed the dark bags under his eyes and how he was slowly falling asleep at the table. A giggle escaped past your lips, and he opened one eye silently asking you what was so funny.

“You’re falling asleep,” you said.

“I was not,” he replied. “I was just resting my eyes.”

You sputtered a laugh and a smile broke out onto Sebastian’s face. Winnie arrived with the drinks and placed them in front of you and Sebastian. Winnie asked if you were ready to order but you had been starring at Sebastian since you sat down and not really looked at it. You could tell Sebastian was hungry so you decided to have what he would have.

“Two stacks of pancakes and two sides of hash browns coming right up.”

You watched the older woman walk away and then turned back to look at Sebastian who’s head was now laying on the table. You subconsciously lifted your hand and ran your fingers through his hair scratching his scalp lightly. Sebastian tensed for a second, but then relaxed. No one had run their fingers through his hair like that since Dalila and he missed it. You continued running your hands through his hair while he stayed put. Winnie watched from behind the counter as the scene unfolded in front of her eyes. She had only ever seen Sebastian with Dalila and knew their ins and outs as people and as a couple. But this made her feel different; she wasn’t sad, no. She was happy. Winnie was happy that Sebastian had found someone, whether they be just friends or not, that was slowly easing him out of his hole. Winnie knew that Dalila would be overjoyed.

Sebastian lifted his head up slowly and you retracted your hand. His eyes were red but there was a glimmer to them. You grinned and then grabbed your drink, bringing the cup up to your lips and taking a sip. He watched your every single move, how your eyes slightly widened when he assumed the taste of your drink hit your tongue and how the corners of your lips slightly upturned after your sip.

“What?” You hummed.

“What?”

“You’re staring at me.”

He opened his mouth but stuttered instead of making a sentence. He brought his mug of black coffee up to his lips and took a sip but burned his mouth, quickly setting down the ceramic mug and cursing himself. You could help the loud laugh that escaped your own mouth and Sebastian stopped, the sound of your laugh like music to his ears. You covered your face with your hands, trying to stifle the laughter but the image of Sebastian burning his mouth and what came after kept replaying in your head.

Winnie watched at the commotion coming from your table and took in a deep breath. She blinked a couple of times while slowly letting the breath go and a grin appearing on her face. Sebastian had reached over the table and moved your hands away from your face, his own lighting up.

“It’s not funny. I think I’m hurt,” he pouted.

“I don’t think you are,” you chuckled. “But your ego might be.”

“Hey!” He exclaimed with fake hurt. “My ego is just fine.”

“You sure about that?”

“Positive,” he nodded.

You shook your head and looked around the diner. It was cute and very 50’s inspired. Sebastian watched you take in the small place. You finished looking and found him staring at you again, but decided to not say anything.

“I used to come here a lot,” Sebastian started.

“Oh…”

“No… it’s… I was engaged. Did you know that?”

“Everyone knew,” you stated matter-of-factly.

Sebastian laughed, “Well, me and my… fiancé used to come here all the time. That’s why Winnie knows me so well.”

You racked through your brain quickly, trying to remember what had happened to his fiancé. Your heart stopped when you figured it out and you felt the blood drain from your face.  _She had died_.

“Oh, Sebastian. No… you didn’t have to bring me here. It probably hurts you to be sitting here and I just-I don’t want you to feel bad or anything. I-”

“(Y/N),” he said sternly. “It’s okay. I wanted to bring you here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he hummed. “I really did.”

You swallowed hard and nodded, looking down at your lap. It took your a couple of seconds to compose yourself and when you were ready to face Sebastian again you realized that he had a story to tell and you were ready to listen to him talk about everything he needed to for as long as he needed you to.


	9. IX

You listened to every single word that came out his mouth. From the first day he met her, to when he fell in love with her and the day he decided that she was the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life.

You couldn’t imagine what it felt like to lose someone you cared and loved so much - to lose someone you were ready to start your life with.

“And uh… she was crossing the street to get back to the parking garage one night after she went out for dinner with friends and they hit her.” He looked down at the table. “I remember the night and the phone call so clearly… Someone told me some time after that she flew in the air… can you believe that?”

He finally looked up at you and saw the sadness in his own eyes reflecting in yours. He dropped his head, shaking it slightly and clearing his throat.

“Sorry,” he apologized. “For getting depressing over pancakes and hash browns.”

“It’s okay, Sebastian. I’m happy you feel comfortable enough to tell me and let me in.” You smiled.

He ran a hand through his hair while letting out a breath. He nodded, grabbing his fork and cutting off a piece of the pancake, quickly bringing it up to his mouth.

“These are really good,” he mumbled. “Might be the best in New York.”

“You haven’t tried mine,” you sang.

“You’re saying you make better pancakes?” He gasped.

You shrugged, “Maybe.”

After having late breakfast and a quick fight over the check ( _Sebastian ended up paying, saying something about how it was his treat_ ) you both headed back out into the noisy city. You looked up at Sebastian, catching him in the middle of taking in a deep breath whilst looking around. He was so broken, but trying to piece himself back together and it was so beautiful. He wanted to get better. He wanted to move on.

“Wanna go take a walk? I’m really stuffed. I think my pants button is about to shoot someone in the eye.”

Sebastian laughed a real laugh in a long time and you were sure that the sun shining down on him as his face lit up was not a coincidence. You grabbed his elbow and pulled him in the direction you wanted to start.

You admired the red and brown trees that lined the streets and the sounds of children playing in the school yard. Your hand sat deep in your jacket pockets while Sebastian’s were nestled in his pants pockets.

“Did you ever want to have kids with her?” You blurted. You weren’t sure where it came from. Maybe it was the sight of a family of three that made your brain go off and your mouth spill.

Sebastian chuckled next to you, “Yeah, I did.”

“Did she?”

“Yeah,” he hummed. “One day she got really drunk at a party and we were going back home - I was driving of course - and she was talking about the future together. Our future together. Suddenly, kids were brought up.”

“How did you feel?” You finally looked up at him and noticed that he was smiling.

“Weird. But it was a good weird. She had names and everything. She wanted a boy and a girl - said she hoped they looked like me.”

“Aw,” you cooed, “That’s cute!”

He sighed and looked at you, squinting slightly. You raised a brow at him and then Sebastian smirked.

“What?”

“I feel like I’ve shared quite a lot about myself today, but  _you’re_  still a mystery to me.”

“Maybe I want to remain a mystery.” You wiggled your brows at him and the corner of his lips upturned.

“Oh, come on. Tell me something random about yourself.”

“Oh, God. Um, I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I… I… Sebastian, I can’t think of a random fact! You put me on the spot.”

“Fine,” he huffed. “I’ll let it go this time.”

“I promise to be better prepared next time,” you replied sarcastically.

You two rounded the corner but the familiar sound of a camera flash froze Sebastian in place. He looked over his shoulder and spotted one paparazzi trailing close behind. Who knew how many more would soon show up.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he mumbled.

“What?” 

You were clueless to what was going on. The next thing you knew, he had grabbed your arm and pulled you down the street into a small self-owned book store, the customers turning to look at who entered when the bell above the door answered.

“You don’t mind staying in here, right?” He asked, eyes full of worry.

“Of course not,” you shook your head. “I don’t have anything better to do.”

“Good,” he sighed, “Because we might be in here for a while.”


	10. X

You peered over Sebastian’s shoulder as a mob of photographers suddenly showed up in front of the small glass door and windows of the shop. Sebastian muttered a string of curse words in English and Romanian before turning around, grabbing your hand and pulling you far into the book store.

The customers and employees stared at you both as you rushed to the back and then looked out to the commotion outside. You were just as confused as they were.

When you two finally managed to be alone in one of the book aisles, you removed your hand from his and raised a brow, waiting for an explanation.

“I don’t know,” Sebastian shrugged while shaking his head. “I mean… sometimes they appear out of nowhere, but it’s been a while since it’s happened. I’m sorry.”

“They’ll leave eventually right?” You asked, not exactly sure of how paparazzi worked.

He sighed, “ _Eventually_.”

You nodded silently. “Okay… well, we might as well get to reading then.”

You pushed past him and his eyes followed you as your fingers ran along the book bindings. You randomly removed a book from it’s spot and read the summary out loud.

Sebastian leaned against the book case slightly, arms crossed over his chest. “Mmm, a little too depressing don’t you think?”

“Fine,” you put it back into it’s place. You continued to grab random books and read summaries until you two found the perfect one - a joke book.

You sat down on one of the step stools while Sebastian leaned against the bookcase right in front of you. He had you read a joke first but didn’t find it all that funny. You handed it over to him and he flipped to a random page, reading the joke out loud.

For some reason, he managed to find a funny one on the first try and you both sputtered into laughter. You reached out to grab the book from him but Sebastian held it up higher and flipped to a random page again to tell another joke.

It went on like that for a couple of minutes before an employee walked up to both of you and asked for you and Sebastian to kindly leave as you were being too loud. With quick apologies, you walked out as fast as you could and burst into laughter once you were a block away.

“Were we being too loud?” Sebastian asked incredulously.

“I don’t think so,” you replied.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Sebastian questioned.

“Umm… I work in the ER from 10-5. What’s up?”

His hand came up to rub the back of his neck while his tongue swiped his bottom lip. He was nervous and it didn’t go unnoticed by you.

“Do you maybe want to go out? We can get lunch.”

“Are you really asking me out?” You gawked at him. Here he was, asking you out on the corner of the street while being nervous as hell. It was as if he hadn’t ever asked a girl out before and it was killing you in the best way possible.

“I mean, I suppose,” he shrugged. “But it doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it to be.”

“Sebastian,” you scrunched your nose, “I would love to go out for lunch.”

“Really?” His eyes widened for a millisecond before you watched him swallow hard.

“You’ve not given me a reason to say no,” you bit down on your lip. “And I had fun today.”

Sebastian felt butterflies erupt in his stomach; the feeling seemingly new but also bitter sweet. He hoped he wasn’t as bad on your date as he was the first time he ever went on one. He hadn’t been in the dating game for years.

“Shit!” You exclaimed, breaking Sebastian out of his thoughts. “I forgot I was going to meet up with my friend! I’ll text you later, yeah?”

Sebastian nodded and you smiled up at him before taking a step closer to him, leaning up on your toes and planting a soft kiss on his cheek. You didn’t see him blush as you turned around to quickly and walked across the street but the small child, around 7 years old, that was waking with their mother pointed up at Sebastian and giggled.

“Mommy, he’s blushing!”


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashbacks in italics
> 
> text guide: 
> 
> you - italics  
> seb - bold

“Dude,” Sebastian’s friend clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I’m proud of you.”

Sebastian threw his head back and groaned. He was in a good mood so he decided to invite a couple of friends over for a beer and Sunday night football - mostly for them as he didn’t like the sport all that much.

“You’re sounds like my mother.” He finally sat moved his head back to look at his friend.

“You told your mom?”

“I had to,” Sebastian took a swig of beer. “She’s been pushing me and pushing me to go out and I just thought she should know that I’m finally going on a date.” He shrugged.

“My man!”

Sebastian cast his attention to the game and it was silent for a while until it went to commercial break and his friend cleared his throat. He asked Sebastian about you, what you did and such.

“So she’s an emergency room nurse..,.” he hummed after Sebastian told him. “Where at?”

Sebastian racked his brain and when he finally remembered he told him where but his friend furrowed their brow.

“You don’t think she saw Dalila...” He trailed off.

Sebastian took in a deep breath his eyes hard, glued to the flat screen television in front of him. He downed the rest of the beer in the glass bottle and slammed it onto the coffee table in front of him.

His friend shut his eyes and then sighed, “Sorry... I shouldn’t have...”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have.” Sebastian said, every word that came out his mouth ice cold.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“Do you really have to go?” He whined, his hand reaching out to grab Dalila’s as she walked past the bed._

_“Yes,” she sang, removing her hand from his to walk over to the vanity in the room. “We had planned this outing a while back and I can’t cancel on them last minute.”  
_

_“But I just came back from doing press and I missed you!” Sebastian pouted.  
_

_Dalila sighed, looking back at Sebastian as she put in one earring and then the other. “I missed you, too. But I haven’t seen my friends in a really long time.”_

_Usually, Sebastian wouldn’t act this way about her going out and it was kind of bugging her. But what he wouldn’t tell her was that something felt wrong - as if something bad were to happen but he couldn’t pinpoint why._

_“Okay,” he murmured, sitting up in bed and throwing his legs over to stand up. “If you need a ride back or anything because you had too much to drink, please call me.”  
_

_Dalila giggled, “Okay, Seb. Do you want me to pinky promise you? Maybe cross my heart and hope to die?”_

_He came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. “Don’t say that. Just... I want you to be safe is all.”_

_“I will,” she assured him, “I will be extra careful. I’ll only have one drink, okay maybe two, and then come home to you and I’ll wake up tomorrow and make breakfast as a welcome home gift.”  
_

_“Sounds too good to be true,” he teased, kissing her neck softly. “I love you.”  
_

_“I love you, too. I should get going now.” She unwrapped herself from him and placed a kiss onto his lips, stepping back to make sure none of her lipstick transferred to his own lips.  
_

_Sebastian walked her to the door, pulling her in for one last deep kiss and one last “I love you” before watching her walk away. What he didn’t know at that time was that it would be the last time he would ever get to see her._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sebastian drank too many beers after the memory played in his head over and over again. It was the name of the hospital that triggered it in conjunction to Dalila’s name. He hadn’t felt that specific pain in his chest in a long time. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack.

His friend apologized for what seemed like the hundredth time that night but all Sebastian could do was nod and take a swig of his beer. The game ended some time after, as he also lost track of time, and his friends were out of his apartment leaving him lonely. Luckily, they had finished all the alcohol.

He left the mess, deciding to clean it up the next day and trudged to his room. Sebastian undressed slowly before throwing himself onto the bed, sighing as the cold comforter made contact with his warm skin. He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep but the next morning he woke up with a groan, head slightly hurting but it could’ve been from the tears he had quietly shed.

Sebastian looked around the room, eyes landing on the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was 8AM. He couldn’t even sleep in if he tried. So he got out of bed and headed into his bathroom where he took a long shower, letting the hot water surround him until the tips of his fingers pruned.

He got ready for the day, cleaning up the mess from the night before and then crashing down onto his couch to surf the TV. He took his phone out, going on Instagram and liking pictures on his feed and even watching some stories from his friends. He tapped on his profile section on the bottom right of the screen and sadly smiled at the last thing he had posted. 

It was from about two years ago; the day of Dalila’s funeral. It was a simple picture of a bright red rose. The comments still poured in to this day. The majority of them being “ _I love you_ ” in many different languages. Some asking if he’d ever get back into acting again and others saying they missed him, even though they didn’t know him. 

He exited out of the app and thought to himself, good and bad memories flooding into his brain. He couldn’t stop the bad ones and the tears that pooled in his eyes were inevitable. Sebastian groaned as he brought his hand up to the bridge of his nose and pinched it tightly. Then, he remembered abouthis date with you in a couplehours. He quickly realized he hadn’t said a time or where to go so he broughtup his messages and typed away. 

  

> _hey. just realized we didn’t set up a time or location for today. anywhere in particular?_
> 
>  

The grey bubble quickly appeared and he watched as it loaded before your message appeared below his. 

 

> **you pick, seb. you probably know better places to eat than me. ;)** ****does 1 work for you?**  **
> 
> _1 sounds perfect. i’ll send you the address right now._
> 
>  

He searched up his favorite cafe and sent you the location. You sent back a bunch of smiling and thumbs up emojis before he went back to watching TV and setting his phone down.

1 o’clock came sooner than later and he was waiting outside the cafe, eyes scanning the sidewalks and streets. He was starting to grow nervous; he hoped you didn’t stand him up. 

“Excuse me!” He heard someone shout. “I’m late for a date!” 

Sebastian’s head turned to where the voice was coming from and you suddenly emerged from behind a small crowd of people looking like a frazzled mess - well, a cute frazzled mess in Sebastian’s eyes.

Your eyes widened as they met his, stopping right in front of him and reaching out to place your hands on his biceps. “Sebastian! I am so sorry! I promise I didn’t plan on being late! My Lyft driver decided to show up late and then we got stuck in a patch of traffic because, apparently, it’s an early day for the school nearby my place and we were held up! And then people walk as slow as turtles here for some reason,” you explained in one breath. 

Sebastian laughed as your arms fell to your side, “S’okay, babe.” 

You both froze, gaze not break. He had just called you babe and it felt so natural not just for him but it also felt familiar to your own ears. 

“I didn’t-“

“Sebastian,” you grinned. “It’s fine. C’mon, I’m hungry.” 

You pulled him inside and you watched as the young hostess’s eyes widened at the sight of Sebastian behind you. You were quickly seated out on the patio; Sebastian’s favorite place to sit so he could watch people. 

“That girl totally recognized you,” you commented as you held up your menu.

“How could you tell?” He asked sarcastically. 

You moved the menu from your face and made copied her facial expression. Sebastian cackled and you raised a brow with a nod. The waiter came over and took your drinks after going through the lunch specials. You asked for more time and although Sebastian already knew what he wanted, he was going to wait until you decided. 

A couple minutes later, you finally settled on something and set your menu down to the side. You propped your elbow onto the table and rested your chin on the palm of your hand while you looked out into the street. Sebastian gazed at your profile and swallowed hard. You looked absolutely beautiful. He wished he could take a picture of you but deemed it too weird to do that. 

The waiter interrupted you both with drinks and then took the order. You and Sebastian talked while you waited for the food. The conversation would jump from serious to silly things without missing a single beat. You talked about life, family and work even though you knew it pained Sebastian to even think of her, she was still mentioned every so often. 

You didn’t blame him or feel jealous about it. That was his one true love and you believed you would act the same way he was of you had lost someone you cared for so deeply. 

The food arrived and you both dug in, still talking about random things with each other when you finally brought it up. “Do you think you’ll ever get back into acting?”

Sebastian bit down on his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowing. He had thought about it recently. Maybe it was a good idea to get back into it. He wouldn’t be stuck at home all day and he’d have other things to take his mind off of what hurt the most. 

“I’d like to... I just... I’d have to start from the bottom again.”

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

“What?” 

“Sebastian, you’re acting skills are amazing!”

“You’ve seen my work?”

“Not the point-,” you held up a finger, “-You loved what you did, right? And I get why you stopped, the majority of the world gets why you stopped, but don’t you think it’s time to get back in there and remind the public why you chose this career path in the first place?” 

Sebastian silently nodded. He was starting to wonder if Dalila had sent you to him. “You’d date a struggling actor?”

“Shut up!” You rolled your eyes. “Seriously though! It must kill you to not go to auditions and read scripts and see your fellow thespian friends.”

He snorted, “Thespian,” 

“I would support you-,” you shrugged, “-And I’m sure that your teenage girl fans would too.”

“They’re not teenagers,” he huffed.

“Whatever,” you took a bite of your food.

“I’ll think about it,” Sebastian hummed.

“Please let me be the first to know.” You smiled at him.

“I’ll write you down on my list of people to thank,” he winked. 

* * *

_“Did you get it?” Dalila mouthed from her spot in the living room._

_Sebastian was currently on the phone with his agent and she was always hoping for the best but sometimes expecting the worst. Sebastian was a great actor, that wasn’t a lie. But there were others in the industry who were better and had a bigger star than him. Big studios would be stupid to pass up on them, so Sebastian would usually get bad news, if not a “They’re trying to see what their schedule is like, but you’re their second choice for the part” which usually meant “Sorry; doubt they’ll call you but thanks for trying.”_

_Dalila tried to read his face as he paced back and forth. Even though Sebastian wasn’t very good at hiding his reactions, she sometimes had trouble reading him. Sebastian hummed and nodded but his eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were pressed together in a tight line._

_Dalila listened to him say goodbye and hang up the phone, sighing as he slipped it into his back pocket. He walked back to the couch and flopped down next to her. Dalila looked over at him, the same facial expression still on his face._

_She waited a second before clearing her throat, Sebastian looking at her. “Soo...”_

_“What?”_

_“Did you get it?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_Dalila squealed and jumped up from her spot to land on Sebastian’s lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing him tightly while Sebastian laughed from underneath her. She grabbed his face and kissed him hard only to pull away, smile at him and then kiss him again. She did that a couple of more times before she leaned her forehead against his and sighed happily._

_“I’m so proud of you, baby. I knew you’d get it.”_


	12. XII

“You didn’t have to ride home with me, by the way.”

“I wanted to,” he assured. “Besides I’ve got things to do around here anyway.”

You two got out of the car and Sebastian followed close behind as you lead the way to your apartment building. Of course, it wasn’t anything as fancy as Sebastian’s flat but you were proud that you lived in a decent neighborhood with a rent you could afford.

“Welcome to my warm abode!” You announced as soon as you opened the front door.

Sebastian looked around your place with curiosity written all over his face. He noticed the pictures you had posted throughout the apartment, the warm smell of vanilla and the small puppy that ran to his feet.

“You have a dog and you didn’t tell me?” He gasped, kneeling to the floor and petting its head.

You shrugged, “I didn’t know you liked dogs.”

“I adore dogs,” he said. “I like cats, too, but I’m allergic. Dalila had a dog and he—sorry, I keep mentioning her and…”

“Sebastian,” you frowned, “It’s okay. I don’t mind. You can talk about her all you want. I like hearing your stories.”

“You do?” He scratched the dog’s chin.

“I do,” you admitted. “She sounded like she was a great person. The little that you have shared about her with me, I can see why you fell in love with her.”

He patted the dog’s head before standing back up and nodding solemnly. “If I ever annoy you or anything, please let me know.”

“Okay,” you laughed. “Do you want anything to drink? You’re welcome to sit down. You don’t have to stand at the door.”

Sebastian walked in slowly and you laughed. He looked like a scared little boy. “I promise I don’t have any booby traps laying around.”

Your dog followed him and jumped onto the empty spot next to him. Sebastian rubbed it’s head and you went to the small kitchen to grab two glasses of water. You set his down on the small coffee table in front of him and you took a sip out of yours.

You and Sebastian picked up the conversation from the cafe. Time seemed to go by way too fast for both of you. Sebastian looked down at his watch, realizing it was starting to get late and he didn’t want to hold up your time if you needed to do anything before you headed off to work.

“I really want to see you again,” he confessed, albeit shyly.

You smiled and felt a blush creep onto your cheeks, “I do, too. How does Wednesday night sound? Is the bar okay? I have a tiny mid-shift. We can hang out there after I get out.”

“Sounds great.”

You nodded, “I will see you then!”

Sebastian stared at you, licking his lips and biting the bottom one.  _You_  wanted to kiss  _him_  and  _he_ wanted to kiss  _you_. There it was again, the unfamiliar yet familiar fluttering in his chest.

“This is going to sound stupid,” his voice was low and hushed, “But can I—”

You cut him off before he even finished asking. You pulled him in for a kiss, lips not moving for the first couple of seconds but Sebastian quickly took lead and you followed. His large hands fell onto your hips and pulled you in closer, your arms wrapping loosely around his neck. You felt like a crazy teenager again kissing outside your front door.

You were the one to pull away first; you needed to catch a breath. You noticed that Sebastian’s lips were already bruised and you giggled, wondering if the makeup around your mouth had disappeared.

“I should probably go,” he said but he never made a move to actually leave.

You moved your left hand away from his neck and checked the time on your watch. You had a while to kill and it didn’t seem like Sebastian was in any hurry to get to where he needed to be so you reached behind you, opened your front door and pulled him back inside.

* * *

Wednesday night came and Sebastian showed up right as you hung up your apron. You walked over to the booth he chose to sit at and kissed him quickly, not even second guessing it.

“Hey,” he smiled, blushing slightly. “How was your day?”

“Fine,” you sighed as you sat down in front of him. “Nothing different from any other shift. How was your day?”

Sebastian bit down on his lip as he tried to fight the shit-eating grin on his face. You leaned against the wooden table, trying to figure out what was going on with him. 

“You’re going to tell me, right? You’re not going to make me guess because I  _hate_ guessing games. I really do.”

Sebastian leaned forward as well while letting out a laugh. “No, I’m not going to make you guess. I-I… I had an audition today.”

“Shut up!” You smiled at him. “That was really quick.”

“My agent constantly emails me about auditions and I had been thinking about this one for a while and ever since our conversation on Monday I just believed it was a sign, you know?”

“Aw,” you cooed, “How do you think you did?”

“I’m a little rusty,” he grimaced.

“Shut up!” You shook your head. “I’m sure you did great.”

Your coworkers came up to the booth and took your drink orders, quickly coming back and setting them down in front of you. Sebastian took a sip of his beer, a foam mustache on his upper lip. You laughed and quickly took out your phone, taking a picture of him and laughing even more.

He swiped his tongue over his top lip, “Hey!”

“What?” You scrunched up your nose. “You looked cute.”

“You think I’m cute?”

“Sometimes,” you shrugged, bringing your cup up to your mouth and taking a drink, “And sometimes I think you’re pretty hot.”

Sebastian smirked, “Interesting. I’ll remember this confession.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously  _hot._ ” 

“Sebastian!”

He reached over the table to grab your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours, wiggling his eyebrows at you. You rolled your eyes at him but squeezed his hand to let him know this was lighthearted teasing.

“I think you’re pretty hot, too.” Sebastian confessed. “ _Sometimes_.”

“I hate you.”


	13. XIII

You weren’t sure how many times you had seen each other or when you started leaving your belongings at one another’s places but when Sebastian asked you to be his you couldn’t help but squeal and kiss his entire face, saying yes over and over again.

You were there for each other when things got hard and when things were going great, like when you got promoted at the hospital or when Sebastian finally booked an audition.

Although, it made you a little sad that he had to leave for filming for a while, you were really happy to see him get back into the game. He seemed happier, lighter.

You two went out on dates often, Sebastian showering you with love. You believed that he sometimes over did it due to losing Dalila but you didn’t mind. You showed him the exact same type of love he did because you knew that he deserved it.

His friends became your friends and your friends became his. Sebastian held dinner parties at his place, Alex telling you that he hadn’t done this since before Dalila passed. He smiled at you and thanked you for bringing back the ‘ _good ‘ole Sebastian.’_

After dinner you usually stayed the night, helping Sebastian clean up and finish the bottle of opened wine just for the hell of it. Then, he’d try to carry you to bed all while stumbling from the amount of alcohol he had drank throughout and after dinner. You laughed at him, screaming when he dropped you onto the bed and him climbing on top of you.

Sebastian brushed the hair out of your face and then stroked your cheek with his thumb over and over again. You looked up at him as you watched his eyes slowly droop and then open quickly, trying not to fall asleep.

“Alright, I think it’s time for bed.” You pat his chest and pushed him off of you.

He landed next to you in his King sized bed, sighing as he placed his an arm behind his head and his other hand landing on his chest.

“I’m never drinking again.”

“You always say that,” you said.

“Do I?”

“Usually when you have too much to drink,” You flipped onto your stomach and propped your elbow up, placing your chin in your hand.

“Mmm,” he hummed, eyes closed.

The clock on his side of the bed caught your eye and you sighed. It was nearing 2AM. You got up from the bed and Sebastian opened one eye, watching you cross the room to grab your bag and head into the bathroom.

When you closed the door behind you, he fell back onto the mattress and sighed happily. Ever since you came into the picture he’s felt better than he has in the past 2 years. He looked over to the bedside table that once held a picture of Dalila but was now replaced with one of you and him. He still kept Dalila’s picture and her ring in the drawer though.

He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep or when you got into bed, but he was in deep slumber. He knew he had to be. What he was seeing couldn’t be happening in real time. A woman had appeared but he couldn’t quite make out her face until she started to get closer to him.

 _Dalila_.

She walked toward him in a blue pastel colored dress, her hair flowing in the air and a glow surrounding her. Sebastian felt his heart grow heavy in his chest while is eyes brimmed with tears as she got closer to him.

There was her perfect smile and shining eyes. She looked genuinely happy and calm. She looked like an angel.

“Hi, Sebastian,” she small giggle escaped past her lips.

“Dalila…” He was breathless.

Sebastian reached out to touch her, feel her. When his finger tips reached her skin, she felt warm underneath him and that’s when he couldn’t hold back the tears.

“Oh my god…”

She reached out to cup his jaw, Sebastian instantly reacting to her touch. His eyes fluttered closed and Dalila wiped away his fresh tears with her thumb.

“She’s perfect.” Her voice was airy. She was so close to him but sounded so far away at the same time.

Sebastian reached up and held her hand against his face. He couldn’t find the words to say. What was he going to say?

“She fixed you. Do you know how happy that makes me? I love seeing you be happy with someone else. Even if there wasn’t anyone else, I’d want you to be happy with your own self, Sebastian.”

His eyes opened and his bottom lip quivered. He wanted to hold on to her as long as he could. He didn’t want her to leave him again.

“But it’s always going to be you,” he said, “it’s always going to be you.”

“I know.” Dalila nodded. “But (Y/N) is your second chance at love. Please don’t let her go. She cares for you a lot.”

Sebastian blinked, trying to comprehend everything that was happening to him, what Dalila was saying. He had only been with you for a couple of months, how could Dalila know you were the one for him?

They stayed like that for what seemed a while; Sebastian crying while Dalila wiped away his tears. When he opened his eyes he found her still smiling at him just like she always did. A calm feeling washed over him and he wasn’t sure why, but he felt at peace.

“I’ll always be around,” Dalila said while removing her hand from his face. Sebastian chased it with his own but she was already too far for him to reach and hold for one last time. “Even in the most random places; I’ll be there. I love you, Sebastian. I always will.”

He opened his eyes and shot up in bed, taking in a loud, deep breath as if he had just come up for air from being underwater for too long. He wiped at his eyes and realized that his face was wet from tears. His hand moved to his cheek, where in his dream Dalila held him ever so lightly. 

Sebastian looked over at the alarm clock and noticed that it was 7AM. He sighed and fell back onto the pillow, turning onto his side and blinking. You were asleep with your mouth slightly open and eyelashes casting a shadow on your cheeks. He was glad you didn’t wake up because he wouldn’t know what to say or how to explain the dream he just had. 

Dalila felt so real that it scared him. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts when you shuffled next to him, turning to face him (all while still asleep) and draping a leg over his own and throwing your arm around his torso, snuggling up to him. Sebastian wrapped an arm around you and held you tight, his lips coming to kiss the top of your head.

Maybe Dalila appearing in his dreams was the closure he needed to officially move on. 


	14. XIV

Sebastian never brought up his dream. He didn’t need to. He didn’t feel like he need to, but it still wore heavy on him. He believed it always would due to the fact that it felt so real.

A couple of weeks from that night, he was off to London, England to film his new movie where he would be the star of.

You had never dated anyone who traveled for their job or was away for longer than a couple of days so you couldn’t help but get emotional when you tagged along to the airport with him.

“Hey,” Sebastian chuckled lightly. He set his bags down on the floor next to him, cupping your face and tilting your head slightly upward so he could look you in the eyes. “I’m only 5 hours ahead of you. I’m a phone call, text message, and FaceTime away. Remember my offer?”

“Yes.” you rolled your eyes with a shrug, “But I don’t know yet.”

“You have two months,” he reminded you.

“I know,” you drawled out the last word. “I’ll think about it.”

He kissed you lightly and then kissed you a bit more passionately after he looked around to check that there weren’t any sneak photographers to catch the intimate moment.

“Please call me when you land.” You pleaded.

“I will,” he sighed, letting go of your face and taking your hands in his. He squeezed them tightly, an unspoken way of saying what he couldn’t bring himself to actually articulate.

With one last chaste kiss Sebastian was off to drop his bags off and then made his way to the TSA line. You swallowed the lump in your throat and took in a deep breath. Maybe you’d have to take up his proposition.

“Surprise!”

Sebastian dropped his keys on the floor and kicked the door shut, running over to you and picking you up. He twirled you around all while digging his face into the crook of your neck as you laughed and squealed.

“Baby oh my, God.” His voice cracked at the end. “I-You…This is-oh my, God!” Sebastian pulled away from you and his eyes shone brighter than any star you had ever seen in your entire life.

“It was really hard to keep it a secret.” You hummed.

“I bet,” he licked his lips. “How long have you been here? And  _how_  did you get in  _here_?” Since he was filming for a couple of months, they had set him up in a small studio along with his other costars as neighbors.

“Just gave your manager a call, who then called you PA-who’s very nice, by the way-and she let me in.”

His fingers squeezed your hips, “I’m happy you’re here.”

“I’m happy I’m here too. I missed your stupid face,” you squished his cheeks with a smile.

“Oh, I have a stupid face?” Sebastian raised his brows.

You let go. “Sometimes.”

He smirked and leaned into give you a kiss that soon turned into a make-out session in the middle of the studio, with sudden wandering hands from both parties.

“But… I.. wanna.. go… and… sight… see.” You gasped through the kiss.

“We have all day tomorrow,” his lips trailer down to your chin and slowly down to your neck.

“What if I wanna go today,” you moaned lightly.

“How about you give us 30 minutes to have a proper hello and then we’ll go out?” His teeth grazed against your collar bone, your head falling back and your hands in his short hair.

“You’re insufferable.”

“But I love you.”

_Fuck_ , Sebastian thought. He buried his face into the crook of your neck, face hot and not from thinking about what would happen in the next couple of minutes.

You blinked, your fingers still tangled in his hair as you tried to calm you heart.  _He said it first_ , you thought. But you weren’t all that surprised.

“Please say something,” Sebastian mumbled against your neck. “Even if it’s ‘ _I don’t love you back._ ”

You laughed and shook your head, “You idiot. Stop assuming things. Of course I love you. You just caught me off guard is all. But I love you.”

Sebastian felt his heart thump loud and fast against his chest. You loved him. You loved him despite all of his flaws and his past. How he got so lucky the second time around he wasn’t sure but he wanted to live in this moment forever.

“I love you,” you repeated softly. it was music to his ears. 

“I love  _you,”_ he whispered, goosebumps raising on your skin.

* * *

Safe to say you two didn’t leave the room that afternoon to go out and sightsee. But Sebastian made it up; you were sure you saw stars at one point during the passionate night you shared.

The next morning, you woke up before him and threw on one of his shirts after pulling on your underwear. He was fast asleep, snoring loudly into the pillow. You padded over to the small kitchen and tried to quietly rummage through the cabinets to find coffee to make. Once you found the coffee and filters, you filled up the machine with water and turned it on so it could brew. You leaned against the counter and took in the silence and stillness. You loved it. It felt like home. Sebastian was home.

You were snapped out of your thoughts to small shuffling in bed. Sebastian had turned over from his stomach to his back, one arm behind his head and the other hanging off the side of the bed. He was still fast asleep or so you thought. A minute later you saw him open one eye and then the other, a small grin growing on his face.

“Are you smiling at me or at the smell of coffee?”

He chuckled, “Both? Can I say both?”

“Ha ha,” you stuck your tongue out at him.

Sebastian sighed and then threw his legs over the bed, giving you a quick show of his backside before pulling on a pair of boxers. He stretched his arms over his head and you couldn’t help but lick your lips at how his muscles flexed. He was perfect.

He walked over to you, smiling the whole way over. You wondered if this is what it was like when he was with Dalila. Sebastian kissed your cheek, stubble that had sprouted throughout the night scratching your skin slightly.

“Morning.” He pulled away and brushed a strand of hair away from your face. “How’d you sleep?”

“Like a baby,” you hummed.

Sebastian winked. “I wonder why.”

You slapped his arm playfully as he walked past you to grab two white mugs from one of the cabinets. He set them down on the countertop and watched the coffee drip into the pot. It was almost ready. You watched with him, bliss surrounding both of you.

“What do you want to do today?” He turned to look at you.

You shrugged, “What do you suggest we do?”

“There’s this really nice park not too far away from here and a cafe. I know you like the simple things.”

You smiled, “Sounds great, babe.”

The coffee stopped brewing and Sebastian reached out to grab the pot and pour some into the mugs. He let you know there was powdered creamer and sugar in the small pantry and you took them out, setting it down next to him. Sebastian bumped your hip with yours and you looked over at him and smiled.

“I love you.”

There was a flutter in your chest. He had been saying it all night every chance he got, but it still made you feel like a giddy school girl every time.

“I love you, too.”


	15. XV

You left England a week later with Sebastian staying behind for a couple of more weeks. It hurt you to leave him and you wished you could stay with him until he finished filming but you had a life to pick up back in New York.

After tears, kisses, hugs and a lot more ‘I love you’s’ you were off to the United States. The first thing you did when you got home was grab a shirt from his specified drawer at your place and pulled out a shirt, quickly slipping off the one you had on and then his on. 

Your puppy jumped on the bed and whined making you laugh. You sat next to him and picked him up, holding him close to you and kissing his head.

“I miss him, too.”

* * *

Sebastian finished filming early but he didn’t let you know he was coming back. He wanted to surprise you even if you didn’t like surprises. He dropped his stuff off at his place, took a shower and changed into another outfit than what he was wearing before. 

On his way over to the hospital, he grabbed you lunch from your favorite spot in the city. He hoped it would make you happy. Although, he hoped that seeing him in person before he was supposed to get to New York would also make you happy.

He arrived at the hospital as the sun began to go down. Sebastian walked up to the building, quickly swallowing the lump that had grown in his throat. It was all familiar and daunting. As soon as he set foot inside the hospital he was thrown back to that horrible night—the night he lost everything.

* * *

_It was late, cold and storming. Sebastian rushed inside the hospital, slipping ever so slightly on the linoleum floor due to the bottom of his shoes being wet. He froze in place, nervously watching nurses and doctors fly by him._

_**Where is she?** _

_He jogged up to the desk and gave them her name. They told Sebastian he needed to calm down, that he needed to breathe and relax._ _As they searched on the computer as quickly as they could, the hospital doors opened and in came a stretcher with a woman on it surrounded by paramedics and other hospital staff._

_Something in Sebastian’s heart told him to take a look. The closer he got to the commotion, the faster his heart beat in his chest. When he was finally close enough to see, his whole world stopped._

_**Dalila.**  _

__Her face was so bloodied and bruised. He was having second thoughts on if it was actually her, but it most definitely was. The ring on her left hand was the one he had specifically gotten for her. The ring that he spent so much time looking for. The ring that told the whole world that she was his to be._   
_

_He watched as they ripped open her shirt and did chest compressions all while wheeling her into a room. He followed even though he could hear the women at the front desk yell at him that he couldn’t go in. Sebastian watched from the window as they hooked her up to machines and buzzed around her—trying to save her._

_“We’re losing her!” He heard one of the nurses yell over the loud beeping of the monitor._

_He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene. He watched as they tried their hardest to keep her alive, to give her a second chance at life, but it was all too late. She was gone in a matter of seconds. All of the staff looked defeated as the monitor beeped endlessly, the sound drowning out everything else._

_Sebastian furrowed his brows together as he bit the inside of his cheek. He wasn’t processing it, yet. He felt like he was in a dream. Or maybe a nightmare._

_The staff cleared out of the room one by one, leaving one last nurse inside to unplug the monitor and drape a plain white sheet over Dalila’s still body._

_And that’s when Sebastian felt it._

_He felt everything come down on him. He felt it all so heavily that he was left breathless. He leaned over and clutched his heart, scared that he might be next to go from how much it was hurting while tears spilled from his eyes. Staff rushed by and turned a blind eye. They had seen it so many times before, it was an unfortunate normality for them._

_Loud sobs escaped from his lips as he fell down onto his knees and cried. He cursed God in his native tongue, something his mother would’ve scolded him for if she was there by his side._

_“Sir,” a nurse crouched down beside him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Sir, I need you to stand. Come with me.”_

_He looked up at her and noticed that her eyes were soft and inviting, which only made him cry harder._

_“Come with me, please.” She spoke again, still holding a calm tone._

_Sebastian rubbed at his eyes and sniffled, the tears still spilling. They just wouldn’t stop. The nurse gave him a soft smile before standing up and offering him a hand. Sebastian took it and she nodded her head towards the end of the hall. Sebastian turned to look at his now dead fiancé one last time before following the nurse down the corridor._

_The nurse sat him down in the staff break room and offered him something to drink. He declined, another sob ripping through him. She served him a cup of water anyway and set it in front of him._ _Sebastian shut his eyes, but found the mental picture of her lying dead in the room still stuck in his head. He quickly opened them, only to find the nurse frowning._

_“I’m sorry,” she offered._

_Sebastian looked down at the white floor and shook his head. He was angry. At what or who, he didn’t know. He just knew that he was angry._

_In the back of his mind he could see her laughing in bed during late nights, her hair covering her face as she went into hysterics. He could hear her singing so clearly, it made his heart skip a beat._

_Sebastian wanted it all back. He wanted to turn back time and beg her to stay home, to not go out and see her friends. Maybe that would’ve saved her._

_“We contacted her parents,” the nurse spoke. “They should be here soon.”_

_Sebastian still kept his eyes on the floor as she cleared her throat._

_“I’ll let you stay here for as long as you want.”_

_“Don’t leave.” He managed to croak out. He didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts._

_She grinned sadly, her hand reaching to touch his shoulder. “I’ve got to go back to work. But I’ll come check up on you, okay?”_

_She left before he could say anything else. The buzzing of the bright lights above him drove him crazy. He rested his head in his hands, elbows resting on the circular table in front of him as he tried to still his mind._

_Hours seemed to pass and the nurse came by t _o check up on him_ like she said. Sebastian had fallen asleep so she let him be and went back to finish up her rounds in the emergency room._

_Sebastian woke up sometime later and looked up, squinting his eyes to adjust to the brightness of the break room._

_“Oh, God.” He groaned. His eyes stung, throat was dry and his head felt like it weighed hundreds of pounds._

_“Hey,” she turned to look at him, a mug in her hand. “I think you should get going. It’s about to be 6AM.”_

_He sighed and looked down at his lap. “I can’t go home.” His voice cracked, “Everything will remind me of her. It already hurts just thinking about going back and not having her there.”_

_“I know it must be hard, but you have to go home. You can’t just run away.” She pressed her lips together in a tight line._

_Sebastian looked up at her and took a deep breath. She was right. He couldn’t hide away forever. What good would that bring out of anything?_ _So he pushed himself away from the table and stood up with shaky legs. He stuck his hands in the hoodie of his pockets and sulked forward._

_“Come on, I’ll walk you out.”_

_She helped him out of the break room and out into the lobby. She rubbed his back and give him a tiny smile._

_“Everything’s going to be okay.”_

* * *

He managed to walk through the hospital and go up to a front desk. He asked for you and they let him know what floor you were on. Thanking them, he slowly walked over to the elevators and pressed the button with your floor number. His feet felt heavy as he walked to the main desk of the floor and saw you standing there in your scrubs talking to your coworkers.

One of them widened their eyes and pointed at Sebastian. You turned around and smiled at him with wide eyes. You excused yourself from your coworkers, quickly walked up to him, throwing your arms around his neck with a squeal.

“Seb! What are you doing here? Oh my God, you’re back already? You were supposed to come back in like, two weeks?” You pulled away with a large smile on your face.

“I finished up filming before they thought I would,” he shrugged. “Said I could go home and I thought I would come see you. Well, I  _wanted_ to come see you. I missed you. I also brought you lunch.” He handed you the paper bag with Italian food in it.

“Sebastian, you didn’t have to,” you grinned with a blush, “You should have gone to sleep. I know you must be tired.”

He shrugged. “S’okay. I wanted to.”

“Come with me.” You nodded towards the break room. It was all starting to feel very familiar to Sebastian. A little bit  _too_  familiar. From the corridor, to the footsteps you took, to the break room and the buzzing lights above it. You turned to look at him, a small smile on your face when it hit him like a brick.

“It’s you,” he mumbled, a breath hitching in his throat.

“What?” 

“It’s you,” he repeated loudly.

“Yes,” you drawled out. “Your point?”

“It was you that night she died. Y-You were here with me in this same exact break room. You looked after me. You knew!”

You let out a deep breath as you shut your eyes, “Seb—”

“No!” He slammed his hand on the table in front of him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What exactly did you want me to say, huh? That I saw your fiancé die that night? That I was there to witness every little thing?” Your eyes widened at the sound of your own shrill voice bouncing off the walls.

He balled his hands into fists. He wanted to punch something. He didn’t know why this hurt him so damn much.

“I wasn’t going to do that to you, Sebastian!”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” His voice grew louder than yours.

“I don’t know! I wasn’t thinking of that! I don’t go around and think about how I’m going to tell my boyfriend that I saw his fiancé die on the table!”

“I can’t believe this. This whole time you knew the story. You knew what had happened and you didn’t even have the nerve to mention it to me. You made me believe you knew nothing about it and you, out of all people, probably know the most about what happened to Dalila.”

Your eyes brimmed with tears. “It’s not like that!” 

“Then how is it like, (Y/N). Tell me. I want to know.”

You were at a loss for words. You didn’t want to hurt him like this. You should’ve mentioned it before he came to visit you. But he was barely getting over her. You couldn’t do that to him. It was selfish of you, though, to keep him in the dark.

He scoffed and you looked up from the floor. He was crying and all you wanted to do was to run up to him and hug him just like the night she died. But you knew he couldn’t even stand to look at you right now.

He ran a hand down his face and let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry I even came.”

You bottom lip quivered. “Sebastian, please just give me a chance to properly explain. Not here. We can do it at my place.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, (Y/N).” His voice cracked.

"Please,” you begged.

Sebastian didn’t answer. His eyes iced over and a hard look took over his face. He looked down at the linoleum floor and then up at you once more before walking out of the break room. You sighed and let the tears fall, ruining your mascara and you were sure that the sound of your heart breaking inside your chest could be heard throughout the hospital.

Sebastian rushed out of the hospital as fresh tears spilled down his cheeks, the cold air drying them. He looked up at the sky, watching as grey clouds began to gather. He ran a hand down his face while letting out a shaky breath. He wanted to believe you had a good reason to not have told him but he still felt hurt. 

The sky above him opened and began to pour over the city, soaking him from head to toe. He angrily wiped the water away from his face, squinting to find a cab and running over to it. He opened the door, peeping inside and asking the driver to take him home, albeit harshly but he didn’t mean to come off as rude.

On the way back to his place, he felt his heart turn to ice again just like the night Dalila died but he wondered why this hurt more than her death. Why did it hurt to lose you so much? 


End file.
